Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
