Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
