worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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