He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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