Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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