Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think people are normalizing furries
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize