Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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