mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
