Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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