Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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