weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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