Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
