Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
