If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
dude. I can hear the air.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize