just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
