explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
