spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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