haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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