we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
