pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
