I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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