Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
