Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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