they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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