Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
