im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
