If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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