To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
