Taylor Swift is so right about you.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
