We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
