the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
