I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
