I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
