I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
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Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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