I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Say something about gay babies.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
