I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
