He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
