____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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