the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Life is so much better after having sex.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
