Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
