Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
