..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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