My hand turned me down
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
