That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
