Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
