just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize