I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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