I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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