"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
