He kissed a someone with a penis
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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