That's intense
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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