Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize