My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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