I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i dont even know how to be here
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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