We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
