Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
