Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
