She is in my trunk
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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