Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
