apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
