The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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