She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So many bounce houses so little time
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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