I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
