Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
