I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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