Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My life is pants optional.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
