At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
