what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
