dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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