he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
