People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
