farters have to be the big spoon...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
