Umm I'm too high to move.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize