what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Randomize
