remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
