ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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