i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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