Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
