Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
