Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
