Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
