there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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