I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
