wanna go halves on a baby?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
