Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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