can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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