had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
