Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
