And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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