Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
