You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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