Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
