I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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