There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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