38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
