Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
