Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
